Keri Russell is reported to have said:
“Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
You know deep down that you want change in your life and as we discussed last time, change can only happen when you decide you want it to happen. Remember, YOU are totally responsible for your own inner self.
In the first instance, we do not have inner self confidence either because we never developed it, or we attached it to some one else. Now perhaps they have left us, through divorce, death, even our partner having to work away can take its toll, Empty nest syndrome is exactly the same and it has the same effect if we attached our self confidence to our children.
If you are now alone, how did you feel when you were left alone?
It was Geoffrey F. Fisher who said, “In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely; in the country, people are quiet but few are lonely.”
We can be surrounded by friends and children but are still lonely. Loneliness is an emotive state that can be experienced whether or not we are physically alone. Many people confuse being alone as a physical condition and indeed many actually desire this, especially if you live and work in a City where space is at a premium. Loneliness is a deeply held emotional condition that only we can resolve and we DO NOT need anyone else to change this. We do it on our own.
It is a vicious circle. Our emotions are powerful and can be either constructive or destructive; YOUR inner self has no connection to the world without YOU. It does not have its own emotions but rather it waits for you to tell it how you feel. YOU tell it how you feel, it remembers and when you are alone it enjoys reminding you of how you feel. Don’t blame the inner self. That is its job and it enjoys its work. It’s always there for you in case you forget it and will always, like a loyal dog, be there for you. This may sound a little silly, however it is key to the journey you are about to embark on.
We told our inner self we are lonely and angry and it waits until you are alone to remind you of this. It tells you to satisfy those needs and what do we do, we look for simple quick fixes like wine, food and the television. They are our quick fixes and require little effort from us and they let us tell our inner self that we are satisfied. So now our inner self knows what you require to be satisfied.
Can you see where this is going? Look at the food, the easy meals from the supermarket. Remove from freezer, micro wave, heat and wait for the ding, take meal, sit in front of the television to watch fluff. That was easy wasn’t it? We told our inner self what we needed. It is no longer lonely therefore we are no longer lonely nor angry and it is happy.
The happiness is short lived though. Our inner self liked its food fix; it calmed its anger with good feelings so it suggests another fix. Will it be alcohol? Our inner self loves wine, food; our inner self cannot get enough of fat sugary snacks. Turn the television off and our inner self is lonely. Where is its company? It demands more company and you turn the television back on. Whoa, was that an educational channel; you turn it off as this is not warm and fluffy and it’s taking effort. Our inner self does not like that and we put on the fluffy stuff and grab a bar of chocolate. Phew, that was close; your inner self nearly had to do something. However all is now well and you didn’t have to make an effort.
Your inner self will only do as it’s told and if you don’t want to put in effort then it doesn’t; if you don’t want to prepare a meal for your children then your inner self won’t want to. If you don’t look forward to work then your inner self certainly won’t. If want to wallow in self pity, your loyal inner self will be there for you, it will never ever let you down. Whatever you desire, your inner self will be there for you. Every single thought you have, your inner self will gather it up, remember it and speak it back to you whenever you need to hear it. You hear people say they have poor memories. Perhaps they do, however one thing is for certain, your inner self has no such problems. It knows your strength’s and weaknesses it works for you in any way you want.
Next time we will try a little experiment and you can find out what you’ve been telling your inner self and what you’ve been feeding it.